About two years ago a new stage of my personal life began, one that’s still hard for me to define or explain. In 2024, at 39, I went through an existentialist phase stronger than usual, I think partly influenced by realizing I was getting closer to 40. It was a moment full of questions, and feeling the pressure of making decisions without being sure about anything. Obviously all that mental mess, plus the anxiety I’ve always dealt with, had an effect on how the music project was going.

For many months that year I didn’t feel that urge to go into the studio and have my moment, my space to play the synths and get excited about whatever sound or melody I came up with, like before. And that’s when a new kind of pressure kicked in: “What am I going to release for my audience this year?”, “I can’t just put the project aside”, “I don’t feel mentally able to make music right now”, and a few other thoughts along those lines. In any case, music has always been the good part of all this, and somehow I forced myself to sit down again, explore, take a step and see what happened. That’s how I started simply putting into songs whatever I was feeling at the time, and that’s how the first track, Emptiness, was born.

From that point I decided to change the way I worked on music. I set out to explore one feeling and one concept at a time, from beginning to end, and release each song as a single. That’s why back then I thought of making a “series” of singles released individually, basically whenever I could. It wasn’t really a strategy, it was just what I was able to do and how I was able to do things at that moment.

March 2025 came around, I turned 40, and two important things happened. I quit nicotine right then, after 26 years, and things got worse. I had always been chemically and 100% dependent on it just to function as a person and to interact with the outside world, and well, it turns out I didn’t calculate the consequences and side effects, which in my particular biology were worse than in other people who just drop the substance and that’s it, no big deal. The second thing was that I went through a series of nostalgic flashbacks about my childhood and youth after casually hearing a Smashing Pumpkins song on YouTube, and from that day on it was like a dam holding back the past had broken. Revelations started coming about a lot of things I had normalized or never really thought about. It felt like I was reliving the past, redefining the future and living a whole new present. This led to a bigger crisis around mid 2025, but telling that story would make this post way too long, and it’s not necessary for now.

That’s what happened, and that’s what defined the concept behind the “Past Future Memory” song series. At first I calculated it could be around 6 singles released every few months, until some date I assumed I’d be feeling better by then, but the whole process stretched into 2026 and it’s still going. Fortunately I had enough moments of clarity that, after 5 singles released so spread out in time, I was able to compose and finish six more songs in just a few weeks.

Past Future Memory is an album that, in its artwork, its music and its song titles, represents a lot of this stage I’m telling you about in a quick way, but a very honest one. People who’ve known me for a long time know I don’t make music with commercial intent, or strategically, and I don’t play live either, because for now I want to keep this project as a direct, personal connection with my listeners, not as a show or spectacle to sell them. Meteor was born as a personal escape, and that’s how I intend to keep it. This time, unlike previous years and albums, I wanted to write this post so I could talk about more than just the music, and I hope you’re glad I did.

Thanks for stopping by!